Statutory Disclaimer: This is not a work of fiction, and any resemblance of animals and birds described herein to you or any of your near and dear is the only fiction in here!
If you are among those for whom an eating joint where you cannot lick food off the table isn’t good enough, please go no further! If you do still, blame me not!!
Sinner Speaketh: I start with a confession – that I eat anything that is served on a plate, looks good and, does not move! That said, sins washed away, let me jump right to the ‘meat’ of the matter!
The Location: Tucked away a lane parallel to DN Road, Mumbai, behind Citibank, just 400 m from CST station and 500 m from the RBI is the easily missable, Kerala speciality restaurant “Lalit” aka “Taste of Kerala”. Let the tag of ‘Restaurant’ not confuse you! It is as much a fine dining restaurant as Mumbai roads are ‘driveable’!
The Vaastu: It has two ‘floors’, which is a Mallu businessman’s definition while converting an old single-floor building with marginally more head height than that needed for a single floor! I have been there about 20 times, with 19 being on the 2nd floor! Ah, that reminds me of ‘head banging’, a ritual there!
19 times of 20 I have done IT there! No, not IT as in IT what you dirty minds think, but IT as in ‘banging’. Sorry again, I meant ‘head’ banging, lest Faisal ‘mouthshuts’ me for such liberties! Reason is not that I like Metallica or any such (M)icas! Just that the top floor has a height of 5’8”; so if you are any taller, enter ‘respectfully bowed’. Else, you may just lose a few inches of ‘head’ as well as brains, if they happen to be co-located (no such losses of the latter hence, in my case!). The top floor has a 50-50, not the biscuit kind, but AC and non-AC sections in half each areas. The AC is split-tingly cold to a fault, so find a place not directly in the ‘line of fire’, unless you were born in Ladakh and had Yak milk for breakfast!
Hygiene, Water et al: It is not amongst the cleanest and cheapest I have been to. It would be safe for most of you to order mineral water, unless you possess lead-lined tummies like I do proofed from such mundane issues! The cleanliness levels are just passable, so don’t rub you white-shirted elbows in ecstasy (at whatever!) on the tables!
The Staff: When a Mallu runs a cheap eating joint, if you are half a foodie, you would know that the money is where the taste is. Staff is a remote priority. So don’t try your Mallu accent at the staff, as most of the Tier II staff (plate/glass boys) are Nepalis! The ‘order-takers’ though are strictly Mallus, and respond enthusiastically with guidance to suit your needs, if you even start showing that you are not too Kerala-travelled. And for God’s sake, cut that up-nosed query if things are cooked in ‘Cock-a-nut Woil’, they may well be!
Menu: The 2nd best thing about the place is the menu, which is in English, is laminated and states facts. But that is not to say you will make out the difference between a “Kakka Roast” and “Kaada Roast”, unless you ASK! There are abundant numbers of veg, egg, fish (shell-fish as well as uns(h)elfish!), chicken, mutton and more! Take your time deciding the main dish.
The Food: The best part of the place, its raison d’ etre, is its food! Unbeatable in these parts of Mumbai for Kerala cuisine is what I conclude, after 20-odd visits here and at least twice to every other in this part of Mumbai. Brought warm/ hot, with quick replenishments, the fare is a gourmet delight. If you want to savour the true variety of numbers for a budget rate, visit on weekends, for lunch, and order the “Naadan Sadya” or the “Festi-Meals”. If you really have it in you, you can order side dishes of non-veg, but take it from a voraicous carnivore, the veg fare is so heavy and various that you will need a carry-on tummy for any more! Until I got bored and stopped, there were about 15 different things served on my banana-leaf! Lest you feel this was a typical case of a ‘simbly Mallu’ gone berserk, please know that my Gujju wife exclusively orders this at lunch every single time we go!
My Recommendations for the 1st Timer: Close your eyes and order the Appams, Idi Appams and Porottas (please note, it is not Paraattaas!), at the same meal, and reduce the numbers of each, for a true experience of ‘all in one’. For grain-lovers, try rice or biryani. The veg fare isn’t an ‘Authority Zone’ with me but for the ‘Sadya’, so I’ll just deal with the meatier matters for the A la Carte tips! Order a fish made in local style, a chicken roast/ Kerala curry and/or Mutton curry (ask for minimum bones!). Don’t even think ‘Dal’ or ‘Paneer’; you are in Mallu-county, pal!:) Order at most two dishes if you are proud of your size, I mean, appetite-size! It is best to visit here in a group of 3-4, wherein you can order all the stuff and eat them too!
Ask for the ‘Day’s Special’. I can personally vouch for the ‘Rabbit Roast’, the ‘Kakka Roast’ (mussels) and the ‘Kaada Roast’ (quail), having demolished almost two full villages of these species by now, there! And do not forget to wipe it all down at the end with a ‘Sulaimaani’, and watch the pleased grin on the waiter’s face at having met a true connoiseur! If you don’t know what it imples, don’t worry, it isn’t anything that a Sulaiman produces, so wait and watch!
Cost: To give you an estimate, for a voracious and certified glutton, I would say you can’t eat for more than Rs 400 per head, by any stretch of imagination or execution! My last bill (for self and wife), consisting of an order for 8 Appams, 1 Kakka Roast and 1 Rabbit Roast came to just Rs. 420.
The Final Call: This is a place for those in love with Malayali food and who are ready to forgive minor peripheral errors for a true culinary experience. I would give it a 4.5 star, but in consideration of my friends with ‘ambience, decor’ etc adding to the score (frankly, I’ve never even noticed whether the place has any of those!), I rate it a 4, for Value for Money and original taste. Family, couple, friends – any combination goes, as long as all are hungry! Try it once, and, you may take my guide or the waiter’s; but my bet is that you will return, irrespective of whether ‘Mummy’ does or not!
Adios & Bon Appetit!: And when you do, please don’t forget to come back here and tell me your thoughts! After all, food reviews are best eaten & judged, and it takes some good words from you all to make those like me not just enjoy eating, but come back and write after a heavy, ‘full’-filling meal, like is guaranteed here! So go on, and let the thoughts flow!
Ciao
Shyam
