Sheesha/ Hookah : HONEY, I SUCKED the Egyptian HOOKE' !!

Conceiving: What’s the best suck you have had after you grew up? Ever had the good fortune of sucking in a fruity flavour, as the curvy round-bottomed creation kneeling on the floor before you let out gurgly, throaty sounds to match the tempo each time you sucked on her tubes? Ever inhaled the sweet scents and felt the warmth at the back of your throat, while you leisurely did it, reclining against a cushion on a soft mattress laid on the floor of a dimly lit room, with friends eagerly waiting for their turn, once you were done? Still NO? God, at least, have you been one of the onlookers as someone else did it, with obvious delight, relishing the long drawn out breaths and even once in a while beaming at the duration he could do it at one go, without a second breath?
Well, don’t you let your imaginations grow, along with other components of that perverted frame of yours!!! I am talking here about a hookah, not any other feline creation, as you may like to believe!

Embryo: The hookah (called sheesha, narghilewater pipe or kalian at various parts of the globe) was invented (where else!) in India, with earliest records dating almost 2.5 centuries, though the crude early form was housed in a coconut shell. This humble shell from Indian coasts travelled to Persia and Arabia and today, makes its presence felt all across the world. The present form was born in Turkey.

Anatomy: The hookah is a single or multi-stemmed, generally glass-based, water pipe device for smoking. It has four essential components, like fingers on a hand. From top to bottom, the first is the bowl. Made generally of clay and with small holes on it, it houses the tobacco (even herbs) and the red hot coal. The next is the long hollow stem, of stainless steel (or brass, in décor pieces) with bulbous parts along its length and a gasket at the end. The gasket fits tightly into the lowest part, the glass water jar. The fourth is the hose, connected to one of the two nozzles at the lower end of the stem. (The second nozzle is to blow off extra smoke from the water jar).

Foreplay: The bombshell doesn’t just let you start sucking. You need to bring up its sensuousness to peak. First, the water jar is filled with water to immerse 2” of the stem, the tobacco is packed on the clay bowl, covered with a perforated aluminium foil and then red hot coal (special easy-burn types available) is placed on top of the foil. Then a protective cover is lowered around the top of the stem, resting on a small circular plate on the stem. The cover prevents the ash/ coal falling and setting your senses and body on fire before it is supposed to!

Metabolism: Once you have stuffed the right things at the right places, put the cover on and settled down comfortably on the floor, get set for some hard suck. The first few times, don’t lose heart if you don’t find anything except air! Everything takes time! Slowly, the vacuum you create in her belly draws in outside air through the hot coal on her top. The coal roasts the tobacco on the other side of the foil and sends the hot air through its mushy core and the stem into the water in the jar. The water filters the smoke, adds moisture and sends it into the long hose, which finally answers your call and fills your eager mouth with the sweet, warm and scented smoke.

Health: The tobacco can be (and generally is, unless you are a smoking elephant or an SRK) replaced with molasses- based flavoured tobacco, which fills the air with the aroma you choose. Apple, peach, coconut, rose, chocolate, coffee and vanilla are among the hot favs! While the jury is out on the nicotine content in these, the many non-smoking ladies here who have tried out my wares swear it has no nicotine. Not one of them has coughed, inhaling this smoke for the first time. Anyway, it certainly won’t give you more cause for concern than your ciggy smoking neighbourhood! As for addiction, it is a little difficult to flip out a hookah out of your pocket in office, so addiction may be a bit difficult, unless you have ‘really deep pockets’!

Etiquettes n More: Never mess with a hooke’ on the table, but always on the floor! She is OK with the hard floor, but if you need, spread out the soft mattresses and cushions. Never blow, when someone else is doing her from the other side (‘cos some of them can be done from two sides at the same time)! Don’t monopolize, pass the wares around, once you have had your bit of satisfaction. The Bible says ‘do unto others as you would have done unto you’! Don’t try to kiss her red hot top with a ciggy in mouth to ignite - not only ‘cos those whiskers may perish! It is about patience and relaxation - don’t try to race. Nobody ever got famous for being a ‘fast sucker’, but only for being a polished, skilled or a smooth one! And it isn’t bad manners to talk with your mouth full, only, smoky conversation! Don’t use rubber, use plastic! And remember not to reuse or share! Smoking tips for the hose, I mean. Finally, when you are done with her, don’t forget the tight wrap, of the hose around the stem!

Own Your Hookah: The prices vary from INR 500 - 2500 for the whole thingy. Egypt or Turkey are the best places to buy. Don’t get the short ones, they hardly can give you what you want, unless you are seasoned. Reason being the small bottom, which can’t hold much! Water and smoke, I mean. Look only for those more than 0.7 m tall! Chuck the bras.. brass, I mean! They are only good for looking at; not if you want to really DO it. Get enough disposable plastic tips (one per guest) and enough flavours. Having one at home doesn’t mean an angry wife, even she will be happy. And don’t forget the guests, who will queue up to have a go at your thingy! I must say, parties at my place have acquired a more excited and livelier feel once we got the Egyptian tube, with the ladies falling over themselves, trying to do it in public for the first time! Good news for the tobacco smoker is that you can really have your thinking sessions over a round of good real-tobacco sessions, though you may need to keep the kids (and the Fire Brigade) away from the smoke! Famous brands of flavoured tobacco are Al Amir, Al Fakher, El Esfahany and Al Nakhla.

In India Also?: Yeah, in India also! Places I know where you can do it in groups or alone, at your own speed and style, without anybody cribbing are the Mocha Café outlets, where a joint costs about INR 250 and quite a few flavours are available. One session will last from 20 - 40 mins and 4 – 5 people can comfortably sit around and do the same one! And yes, men and women can do it together to the same one! Ab batao, from the coconut shell to being such sharing suckers in public, isn’t India going places?

Some more to keep the hard suckers happy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hookah
www.thehookah.com/history
www.hookahcompany.com

PS: Sorry, I forgot, this was for only those above 18. If you aren’t, I am sure you now are! Now blow that smoke out in the comments section, will you! After all, its my hooke’! :)